September 28th, 2021
“I sit down in a room of a house at a retreat. A woman comes to sit next to me. She reminds me of my adopted mom, she is dressed like she is going to a ceremony. In a different part of the room I see a couple who just had a baby and they are quietly huddled together. There is also a very skinny light skinned woman in the room. She is known to starve herself and not eat.
I go outside and I sit on a ledge with my feet in the ocean. I am moving my feet in the water. I look again at the ocean and see how deep and dark it looks. I move my feet out of the water and feel my heart beat quickly out of anxiousness.”
I looked back on this dream at the start of 2024. I noticed that the underweight woman was a reflection of myself. At the time I didn’t see that I had an eating disorder but now in 2024 it’s clear I did.
I see the version of myself that is my adopted mother in the dream. I am working through her lineage and cleaning it up because I respect her and her ancestors.
The couple with the baby is what I longed for in this time. The characters cycled together through me with grace, to a place where I could be full again, physically and spiritually.
rural body 